Important Advice To Anyone Dating A Widow!
Over the past few months, Widow 180 has received numerous emails from listeners with questions about dating a widow.
Let’s face it, the dynamic of dating a widow DOES involve a different level of emotions, sometimes heightened emotions that someone who is not familiar with grief has to learn to navigate.
Doug and I recently received an email from a listener who had just started dating a widow. His email said this:
“I have this PESKY feeling of jealousy and insecurity…where do I put that? I feel “funny” listening to stories about “the good old times”. I think to myself, “That’s really where she would rather be.”
He used the word “PESKY” which is a fantastic word to describe what he’s feeling because it’s not something he WANTS to feel, he just can’t help it!
Here was Doug’s response:
“The topic of feeling insecure because you made a decision to not be with your ex but she did not make that decision is one I am personally familiar with and need to think more about because it’s come up in my mind and I haven’t addressed it as actively or effectively as I could yet. I’ve felt this from time to time and where I usually land is that she made a decision prior to me because our timing wasn’t aligned. It’s not that she chose someone else over me. Instead she chose someone else before being able to choose me. Similarly, I chose someone else before being able to choose her. So it’s a bit of a spin on the situation with a focus on the positive.”
Read that again:
It’s not that she chose someone else OVER me. Instead she chose someone else BEFORE being able to choose me.
It boils down to this…
It all comes down to timing.
So much of life is about timing. And alignment.
To any man (or woman) out there who is struggling with any jealousy or insecurity, please remember this:
That was the person they chose at THAT time in their life because they hadn’t met you yet! Because they didn’t know YOU yet!
Here’s one more thing I wanted to add to Doug’s answer, to address this listener:
This woman, this person that you’re dating now, decided to be with YOU. If a widow has decided to be with YOU, let me tell you, that means you are pretty damn special!
I’ll tell you why.
It’s because when we’ve been through a loss like we have, it’s not something that we ever want to go through again. That pain. That hurt that we felt. When we walk a grief path like that in our lives, we build up these walls around us to protect ourselves. We need to feel safe. Shutting ourselves off from other people and new love keeps us safe. Being alone keeps us safe and makes us feel in control. So, if YOU are the guy who comes along into her life and SHE LETS YOU IN, that says a helluva lot about YOU!
Because she’s not going to do that for any Joe Schmo rando guy off the street. No. She picked YOU!
After everything she’s been through and witnessed and experienced with grief up to this point, she picked YOU to be vulnerable with!
She chose YOU to walk through life with!
That says so much about you.
Remember that when you feel any doubt creeping in.
And to all of the widows out there:
If you’re struggling with the whole idea of dating again and finding it to be, well, overwhelming, I want to help!
Take this quiz to find out!
https://widow180.ck.page/datingquiz
Need some extra dating help?
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