10 Things Every New Widow Needs To Know
There’s a question that I try to ask every one of my guests on Widow 180: The Podcast and that question is:
What’s one piece of advice you can give to new widows?
Here’s a list of the Top Ten answers I’ve found to be the most helpful!
1. Be kind to yourself! You’re doing the best you can. This grief thing doesn’t come with instructions! Take each day one step at a time. One day at a time. If you got out of bed, great! If you brushed your teeth, even better. Each day strive to do more. To not stay stuck.
2. Practice self-care regularly! Think about what you love to do AND DO IT! Wanna go for a walk today? Or do something lavish, like a spa day? Do it! Remember, you cannot pour from your cup if it is empty. You are not selfish for wanting space and time to reflect and process. Repeat that to yourself! Say, “I am not selfish if I need some space!”
3. The pain that you’re feeling is temporary. I know it doesn’t feel like it will ever go away. But it does eventually subside. Good days will start to sneak in between the bad days. Notice that. Acknowledge the good days. Be thankful for them. And know that you are capable of feeling okay again.
4. You’re never “over” it so don’t let anyone tell you that you should be. And if anyone does try to tell you that you should be “over it” by now (however long it’s been!), you have every right to turn around and just walk away from the people in your life who don’t get it. Then DM me and vent about it! I’m totally here for it! Listen, you grieve in your own time at your own pace, however long that takes you. You have your own timeline.
5. Find HEALTHY ways to cope. Don’t drink. Don’t do drugs. Don’t try to temporarily numb your pain because when that grief you’ve been suppressing does creep back in (which it always will) you will still have to face it head on. Don’t bury it by putting harmful things in your body.
6. It’s okay to be happy and laugh and smile. Don’t feel guilty for trying to live your life to the fullest. You are still alive with so many things to look forward to.
7. Don’t date before you are comfortable being alone first! Don’t jump into a relationship just because you don’t want to be alone. Figure out who you are again. Rediscover the new you. Rebuild yourself so that you’re putting your best self forward when you do decide to date again.
8. I heard this analogy about becoming a widow. It’s like being a part of a two-horse team pulling a cart. Think of the strength behind that. Behind the power of two working together. You’re a team and there’s strength in numbers. And now there’s only one horse pulling the same cart, trying to do the same amount of work – alone. Things take longer to get done. Some things may not get done at all. You are ONE PERSON. You can only do so much. Be patient with yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
9. Choose joy! In everything and in every aspect of our lives, we have a choice. WE decide how we respond to life circumstances. Your happiness depends on you and you alone! You can choose to get up and get out of bed – or not. You can choose to smile – or not! Choose joy! Always choose joy!
10. What I have found such comfort in is that I can ALWAYS go back in my head and my heart and FEEL that love that I had with my late husband. It’s ALWAYS there. That love NEVER goes away. Ever. It’s like a little gift, a reminder in my back pocket that I can pull out anytime I need to feel some extra comfort.
So, try this exercise now. Close your eyes and picture your spouse, at a happy time, when they’re smiling and laughing, when you two were together, when you felt the closest to them. Remember their smile. Play back their laugh in your head so you can hear it. Then put your hand on your heart and feel that love. Take a deep breath and know that they’re still there.
That’s my top ten! If you have any more you want to add to this list, I would LOVE to hear from you!
Any advice you want to give to new widows?
Let me know!
DM me on IG @widow180
or
email me jen@widow180.com
or
join our FB group at
Widow 180 Community.
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