3 Powerful Questions To Reflect on 2022!

EPISODE 155

The benefits of reflection are so often overlooked, especially when grieving, when we're feeling like we're just trying to stay afloat. We're so busy adjusting to our new life, our new normal, that we don't take the time to stop and look at ourselves, not just to praise ourselves, but to see how we're managing it all. 

Reflection is a process. You need to slow down. It requires you to get vulnerable. But it's also a process that can lead to valuable insights and even breakthroughs! 

Grab a pen and your journal and let's get started answering these powerful questions!

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LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE:

EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Today I want to do an exercise that many of us don’t do or we forget to do or we just don’t take the time to do. We’re going to be slowing down and taking a close look at ourselves. We’re going to do some reflection on this past year and how we handled the challenges that came our way.

And some of you are probably thinking “why the hell do I want to take time to think about all of the bad crap that happened to me this year? That sounds like a horrible use of my time. thanks, but no thanks, jen. Hard pass!”

Ok, before you bail on me, that’s not exactly what I’m asking you to do.

I know for many of you, this is the year that you lost your partner. This is the year you became a widow. This has not been a kind year to you. This has been a year of big, big changes in your life, many of them unwanted changes.

But it’s so important to reflect on where we’ve been, in order to help get us to where we want to go.

 the benefits of reflection are overlooked by so many of us. And especially during grief, when we’re just trying to stay afloat, we’re so busy adjusting to our new life that we don’t stop to look at ourselves and not just praise ourselves, but see how we’re managing it all. What worked? What didn’t? What’s helped us the most? How can we get more of that in our lives? These are the types of things we can reflect on.

The Harvard business review says: “At its simplest, reflection is about careful thought. But the kind of reflection that is really valuable is more nuanced than that. The most useful reflection involves the conscious consideration and analysis of beliefs and actions for the purpose of learning. Reflection gives the brain an opportunity to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning. This meaning becomes learning, which can then inform future mindsets and actions. this “meaning making” is crucial to our ongoing growth and development.”

Reflection is a process. It requires a lot from you. Your time. your energy. Your thought. You need to slow down, be still, adopt a mindset of curiosity and brainstorm.   It requires you to get vulnerable. You might get uncomfortable. But this is also a process that can lead to valuable insights and even breakthroughs. So, I want you to take this time to do this exercise and this is through journaling. Writing everything down. Writing out your answers to these powerful questions today. So grab and pen and your journal and let’s get started.

Question number 1 to ask yourself is:

“What is the biggest thing I’ve learned this year, about myself, about other people, about life?”

I know when I look back on my first year as a widow, there were so many life lessons I was learning through that process. I had suddenly lost my husband. I was a young widow with a 2 year old daughter. I learned so many things and I HAD to learn so many things. I HAD to learn how to live life as a solo mom. It was happening. Life was still continuing on, without my husband by my said and I HAD to figure out how to be a soloparent.

I learned how to trust my own instincts to know what was best for me…and for her.

I learned that I had to find healthy ways of coping with the stress and anxiety that had overtaken my body, physically and mentally I had to learn how to handle that absurd amount of stress. And I did.

I learned a HUGE lesson, that other people don’t know jack about grief. They have no idea what to say to a grieving person.

I learned that grieving on my own was not helpful to me at all. That I needed my fellow widow peeps to talk to about the things that were happening in my life and the thoughts that were running through my head.

I learned that life is full of situations and circumstances, and I am in control of NONE of it. NONE of it is in my control. And the only thing I can control is how I react to it. What is going to be my attitude about this situation?

SO many lessons.

So, this is a BIG question. With lots of different angles. Break it up into those 3 categories.

What did you learn about yourself?

What did you learn about others in your life?

What did you learn about life itself?

 The second question to ask yourself is this

“Did I have any breakthrough moments this year? Any a-ha moments that really carried me through some low times?”

I can remember, for me, for the longest time, a couple of years as a solo-mom, that was usually my biggest source of fear. My biggest sourse of self-doubt. Is parenting alone. And not trusting myself to make the right decisions. I was always thinking I would make the wrong choices and screw up Claire for the rest of her life! I didn’t think that I was enough. I didn’t believe in myself or my abilities, I didn’t believe that I was enough. And then I had seen something on TV, it was an interview on like the late show or something, and this person, this celebrity was talking about having a rough childhood. Neither of her parents were in the picture. She was raised by her grandmother. And she said “It only takes one person to believe in you, and you’re gonna be ok. You only need one person to believe in you.” And oh wow. My god, you guys. Those words. Those words changed my life. Changed my attitude. It was like it was a direct message to me, from the heavens. I said “oh my god. I AM that one person…for her. That’s me. I’m that one person. I don’t know why, in that moment, watching that particular interview, it really hit me so hard and changed me so much. But it was exactly what I needed to hear in that exact moment to snap me out of my pity party. Thank you, universe. “It only takes one person to believe in you.” That’s what I needed to hear. That was a breakthrough moment, a huge turning point, a huge confidence booster, for me as a soloparent.

Can you think of any for you? Go ahead and write them down.

And number 3. The third question to ask yourself:

“What has made me the happiest this year?” Is it beautiful NEW memories that you’ve created? Is it something pure and good that you’ve created? Is it something helpful, maybe even practical, that brought you immense joy?

These are sometimes hard to notice when we’re struggling with the depths of grief. But you can take the time to seek them out. And it’s important to shine a spotlight on them and not overlook them. And tell ourselves, That’s what I should spend more time on!” Then make it a priority! Make your happiness a priority, to take a break from grief every now and then.

So, what’s made you the happiest this year?

And how can we keep re-creating that? That feeling state?

How can we keep THAT feeling front and center, as long as we can?

The more we practice getting it, the more we can attract it back into our lives.

Those are the 3 questions that I wanted to present to you today.

Let’s review:

The first questions was:

What is the biggest thing I’ve learned this year, about myself, about other people, about life?”

Really take some time with this one! You will learn so much about yourself!

The second question to ask yourself was

“Did I have any breakthrough moments this year? Any a-ha moments that really carried me through some low times?”

And the third question to ask was:

“What has made me the happiest this year?”

What has made me the happiest this year?

I hope you found this exercise to be helpful.

If you enjoyed this episode and want to dive even deeper into these types of discussions, join us in the widowsquad. Each week we have group discussions over topics like these, we have guest speakers come in each month, we have group coaching exercises, and hey, we have parties too to celebrate one another and help each other out on this journey we’re all on. It’s just a nice place to be, when you’re surrounded by other women who get what you’re going through. Join us at widowsquad.com that’s widowsquad.com That link is in the show notes!

Also, happy new year! This episode is probably airing on December 29 and I wish you all a safe and happy new year. I have so many amazing things planned for next year. I have my Finding purpose and meaning program that’s starting in January, more details to come so stay tuned! We have so many incredible things planned in the widowsquad including a couple of in-person retreats we’re working on! I can’t wait!  I’m hoping to finally finish the book I started last year!

I am so excited about what’s to come!

Please share this podcast! And leave us a rating and a review! I would really appreciate it!

Ok that’s it for me, until next week, believe in the possibilities!