The NUMBER 1 Reason Why Widows Don’t Date Again After Losing Their Spouse!

There are definitely a few different reasons for this, but the NUMBER 1 reason why widows don’t date again is…self-sabotage!

That’s right!

WE are the reason why we hold back from getting into a new relationship.

There are a couple of popular ways that we self-sabotage so this blog post is going to talk about those and how we can stop this behavior!

Here’s what happens when we self-sabotage:

Self-sabotage occurs when we deliberately hinder our own success. It emanates from negative mindsets.

Self sabotage is a way that we react to our emotions.

Self sabotage is misunderstood in that we think we have no control over it, like it’s something that is just happening to us by us, but we can’t do anything about it. But in fact, you DO have control over self-sabotage, once you recognize that’s what’s happening.

When we self sabotage, we interfere with our own goals. We are the ones stopping ourselves from getting the things or the results that we want.

Is this you? Does this sound familiar?

Let’s start by you asking yourself some questions:

Do you feel like you’re self-sabotaging?

Do you feel free when you think about making choices or do you feel suppressed or constricted in some way?

Do you feel like you’ve taken some risks in your new life or do you continue to play it safe, …staying right where you are?

I want you to think about the life that you want you and the love that you want in your life in finding a new partner. When we start to imagine this life and this new person, and we start to envision what we want,  we create this vision of a future life. And we start to get excited about that new goal. And the feeling that we’ll feel of joy and happiness and love and excitement when we get into a new relationship.

And when we self-sabotage, we interfere with the completion of that goal.

This is something that we all go through! As humans, we self-sabotage.

We tend to do this kind of behavior when our goal involves us doing something that’s uncomfortable.

And, let’s be honest, when we’re talking about dating again after losing our spouse, that whole idea, that whole big picture is so overwhelming it sends most people running and hiding and curled up in a fetal position somewhere not wanting to come out. Ever.

Dating can be overwhelming. Dating = uncomfortable.

Dating involves us being extremely vulnerable. And extremely open and honest with a new person in our life.

So, are you a person that is considering dating and thinking about it, and the thought keeps popping up in your head, but you’re not taking any action to see it through?

If so, why not? What’s stopping you?

This is the act of becoming self-aware. This is the act of paying attention to what feelings come up when you think about dating.

Are they feelings of dread? Are they feelings of fear? Like a fear of failure? Like what if people see me “trying” to date and I’m not successful at it? Then what? Then you just don’t even try in the first place. So you stay inactive. You stay stuck because of your fear of failure or because of what other people think.

You wonder “What will other people say about me?”

We let our fear of what others think of us, stop us from going after what we want.

Let me say that again so it sinks in.

We allow our own fear of what other people think of us, stop us from getting what we want in life.

We do that. To ourselves.

Another thing I see a lot of with the widows that I talk to is the thought they have that they are not worthy of having love in their life again.

We feel insecure and exposed.

Because when we lose our spouse, we oftentimes lose our self-esteem too. We just lost our biggest cheerleader, you know. We lost the person that loved us unconditionally, for who we were inside and out, the person who complimented us and lifted us and loved us. We were so lucky to have that.

And now we’re out in the world and feeling vulnerable and asking ourselves, “Is anybody gonna even want me?’ or “Who’s gonna want me now?”

We paint a picture of ourselves that is not all that kind.

And we allow those feelings to of unworthiness to stop us from trying. We lack the confidence to move forward with what we pursue.

We give up before we even start!

Because we get so down on ourselves.

So, again, this is where awareness needs to come into the picture. We need to recognize when those feelings start to creep in, how do we stop them? It’s the feeling of being out of alignment. The feeling of being constricted because we feel like we don’t have the freedom to go after what we want.

So, How do we change the feelings.?  

How do we change those thoughts that we have about ourselves?

This is really the first step in overcoming self-sabotage is becoming aware of what we’re feeling and learn how to process those emotions. And to have an understating that we’re feeling the way we do because we’re doing something uncomfortable. And we don’t like being uncomfortable.

But then also understanding that by being uncomfortable, we ultimately get what we want, right?! We succeed! We reach that goal of a new relationship. We have love in our life again!

We get out of our comfort zone and we ultimately get what we want.

We overcome the feeling of being judged by others. We overcome the feeling of not being worthy.

How do we do that? How do we overcome?

By believing that we are worthy.

Whenever there is a goal that we want to reach, there is work involved. In one way or another. When we don’t want to put in the work to reach that goal, we hide away, we sit idle, we stay where we are, and we procrastinate.

So, the sooner we get out of our own way, the sooner we get what we want! And we need to honor what we want and not ignore it or push it to the side!

We need to get out of our own way!

There really is nothing stopping you, but you!

Ok if you wanna dig a little deeper and unpack this dating thing a little more, I encourage you to take the QUIZ…Are You Ready To Date?

Take the QUIZ here:

https://widow180.ck.page/datingquiz

Need some extra dating help?

We have the #1 Dating Course For Widows And Widowers Looking To Find Love Again After Loss?

This is a truly unique, self-paced online course to help you with the ins and outs of modern dating! I encourage you to take a look! Click here for details:

https://www.widow180.com/courses

Email me if you have any questions at all! It’s jen@widow180.com.