How To Spend Valentine’s Day Alone
While Valentine’s Day may be a romantic celebration for couples, this can be an extremely tough time to be alone for widow. It’s hard enough being alone as a widow, but throw in all the sappy commercials, the happy couples, the pink and red hearts everywhere you look, and it is downright devastating.
Widows don’t just feel intense loneliness, there’s also the sadness, self-doubt, and even jealousy. Don’t get me started on jealousy!
I distinctly remember my first year as a widow when Valentine’s day came rolling around the corner at full speed and plowed right over my poor broken heart. It had been about 5 months since my husband had passed away, still very fresh and raw. I had made the personal choice to try to ignore Valentine’s Day as best as I could. I stayed away from going into any stores that day, knowing the sight of pink and red would cause me to burst into tears in public, something I always tried to avoid. I didn’t watch TV to escape it because I knew I would see lovey dovey commercials. I decided, instead, to go for a long walk and spend some time in nature. Soaking in the sun always soothes my soul. But despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but notice the happy couples passing me. The happy couples holding hands, flaunting their stupid love in my face.
I have to confess, I hated them. I hated that they had what I didn’t.
Stupid happy people.
Stupid romance.
Stupid LOVE.
I even went so far as to silently swear under my breath as I passed the lovebirds by. Admittedly, I was not handling it well.
Was I lonely? Yes.
Was I jealous? Yes.
Was I sad? Yes.
Valentine’s Day can bring out a whole host of emotions for widows and widowers.
So, if you’re feeling rotten about this happy holiday, you’re not alone. Get this:
According to the AARP, 26% of single adults report feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day and 23% of adults—whether single, even in a relationship, or dating—have negative feelings about the holiday.
So, it’s not just you.
The best thing to do is to plan for it. The best thing you can do is to feel more empowered on this day. And with the right mindset and planning, you will have a better time coping. a simple perspective shift is what it takes. A simple change in perspective can help you move past your feelings of negativity, jealousy and isolation and tap into a sense of gratitude, freedom, and fulfillment.
Don’t think it’s possible for you? It actually is.
Things To Do When You’re Single On Valentine’s Day
Here are some ways to make this Valentine’s Day a fun and fulfilling occasion—even if you’re alone.
1. Host a Galentine's Day party
Celebrating Galentine's Day with the girls has become almost as popular as Valentine's Day itself. Why not? There's nothing like spending an evening with your bestie gal pals who are bound to remind you that while love is grand, friendship is even better.
I love the quote by C.S. Lewis that goes, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” I always think of this when I think of my widow peeps. You know, those friendships that form because we all just get it. I can always rely on my go-to girls to get me through some rough times, and those big milestone days that really tug at my heart, like Valentine’s day.
So, pull those dusty high heels out of the closet and glam it up for the night. Or sport some matching jammies, pop some popcorn, and watch movies on the couch. Celebrate Gal-entin’es day this year.
2. Have a Pet-entine's Day party
Yep, you heard me. A Pet-entine’s day party. I can’t even say that word, but it is a thing! I think it just needs a better name. But, yes, this is a day spent with your loveable furbaby, if you’re so lucky to have one. Not a bad way to spend Valentine’s Day. He or she will love the extra attention and reward you with loads of puppy smooches. If it's just you and a sweet furball of love this year, go all out on with some special themed treats, I saw these at the pet store recently —heart-shaped dog bones for your pup, and do heart-shaped cookies for you.
You and your pet pooch can dress up in matching sweaters and cruise around the local dog park. Take some pics and post to Instagram to show the world your creativity. Have fun with it.
3. Brighten someone else’s day
Most people have never received a gift from a secret admirer, but wouldn’t that be cool? Consider anonymously sending a gift to someone in the same position as you, maybe another widow who needs some sunshine on this cloudy holiday.
You can send a number of different things. It doesn’t have to be flowers. You could send:
Books (with a special bookmark enclosed)
Chocolates or candy
Their fave take-out dinner
A gift card
Gourmet food baskets
A homemade gift is a nice touch, if you have time.
4. Avoid Love Triggers
Stay away from the sappiness. Trust me. Don’t go there. Avoid watching romantic movies and listening to love songs because they may trigger even more feelings of loneliness on Valentine's Day. Try watching a new show or different types of movies, like scary movies or action movies. May I suggest, anything with Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson in it, and you’re safe. Also, I keep hearing about shows like Yellowstone, which I personally haven’t seen yet, but I heard it was great. That would be an awesome series to binge because, to date, there are 5 seasons. That’s lots of couch time. Think, Marvel movies. And, for the love of God, stay away from the Notebook.
5. Make it all about the kids!
I talked about this in my blog post from a couple of years ago, Facing Valentine’s Day As A Widow.
Of course, this applies if you still have little ones at home. You can make this day a day of LOVE, which it is. We don’t have to focus on romantic love today. We can focus on LOVE in general. The love we have for other people in our lives, other family, our friends.
Making the focus on the kiddos could be something easy like Valentine gift bags that you can make up. You could get them involved and bake Valentine heart-shaped cookies and decorate them. And then maybe bring them to the neighbor or over to grandmaw’s house if they live near you.
You can also do other Valentine’s Day crafts. Now, I’m not a super crafty person but you can sure get on Pinterest and go down that rabbit hole together and pick some really fun things to make! Make it a light-hearted day that they won’t forget.
6. Ignore Valentine's Day
Don’t think for one second that you even need to acknowledge that it’s Valentine’s Day. This was my strategy, and hey, it works.
Denial, my friends.
The key to surviving Valentine’s day is denial.
At least it was for me.
I talk about this in my blog post, Facing Valentine’s Day As A Widow. When it comes to holidays and milestone days, I’m in the camp of “I don’t even want to know that today is Valentine’s Day”. I just want to keep my head down and get through this day like it’s any other Tuesday and not be slapped in the face with it.
7. Be Extra Kind to Yourself
If you'd prefer not to ignore Valentine's Day, you can decide to make it a day to treat yourself well, maybe even better than well. Treat yourself like a queen. We’re always talking about self-care strategies, so start there. Do some research on EXTREME self-care and go for it:
Sleep in late
Take the day off work
Eat your favorite foods. Yes, cookies. Yes, ice cream. Yes, cookies with ice cream. Not today, diet. Not today.
Do things that you’re passionate about and that you enjoy
Grab a cup of coffee, your favorite journal, and a comfy blanket and write your day away.
This is all about loving the one you're with, and if that person is you, then why not take the day to treat yourself?
8. Do Puzzles or crossword puzzles. Or Color.
Ok, hear me out. I know what you’re thinking. I know you’re envisioning yourself, sitting alone, at your kitchen table, sad, doing a puzzle all alone. And if that’s the picture in your head, then, YES, that is pathetic. But, this is not what I want you to picture. Picture your beautiful self, smiling, happy, music blaring in the background, wine glass in hand, doing a puzzle. Or a crossword puzzle. Or coloring. Seriously, when is the last time you did a puzzle? Or colored?
You might be surprised to learn what you're missing out on. Studies show that doing puzzles is an excellent way to reduce stress and help combat anxiety. It’s Good for your brain. Puzzling helps sharpen your focus. It keeps you in the moment. It’s a relaxing way to wile away an evening. Hey, don’t knock it til you try it. Put on your favorite playlist and color away to your hearts content.
9. Do something you’ve never done before.
Do something out of the box.
Why?
Because you can.
You can do anything you want today.
Think about that.
What do you want to do? Let’s not spend this day sitting around, not doing anything, just thinking about Valentine’s Day and how you’re not with your husband anymore. Don’t do that. Get out of the house. Do something that will bring your attention to the present moment so that you’re not pulled back into the past and you’re not worrying about the future.
I talk about this in my blog post, 3 ways to celebrate valentine’s day as a widow.
I give you an example something that I did on the second Valentine’s day after losing my husband. I had made a plan. I didn’t want to be home. I didn’t want to be around other people. It was like there was no safe place for me to be. So, I got some friends together. There was a group of about 5 of us. We hired a boat and a driver and we went wakeboarding.
If you’re not familiar with wakeboarding, it’s a combination of snowboarding, surfing, and waterskiing. Your feet are strapped to a wakeboard. The boat pulls you, fast, as you try to cross over the wake behind the boat. It had been years since I’d gone wakeboarding, but I remember the feeling. The freedom when you’re out there. It’s so fun. And, bonus, I didn’t break any bones. It was so fun, especially on THAT particular day of the year. Why not? Why not do something unexpected? Something TOTALLY unrelated to Valentine’s day. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time or gave yourself permission to do?
10. Make it a movie night
We mentioned this when we talked about avoiding love triggers. Stick with other genres, like sci-fi or action to keep your mind off of it. Kick Cupid to the curb tonight and binge a new series or show. Do a little homework and find something you haven't watched yet.
11. Get yourself a gift (or two)
Consider this: If you were still married, if life was back to normal and this were another Valentine’s Day together with your hubby, you know you would be exchanging gifts.
So, how about this? put that same time and energy into picking out something for yourself.
It doesn't have to be expensive or extravagant (although, by all means, it can be!) Even the smallest of gifts can have special meaning. Consider purchasing something that reminds you of him. For example, if you keep getting signs that mean something to you, like butterflies, think about getting a butterfly ring for yourself. Maybe shop around for some butterfly earrings. Make it have meaning.
12. Cook your favorite meal or order takeout
You don't need a plus-one to enjoy a nice meal at home. Make this a fun focus of your day by looking up new recipes to try. Or keep it simple and order up your favorite meal from your favorite restaurant. Don't forget to break out that nice china and actually use it. Make it a special occasion, just for you.
13. Have a Home Improvement Day
Have you been thinking about painting your bedroom wall?
Have you been thinking of rearranging the furniture in the living room?
Have you been wanting to replace those drab curtains with some new ones?
Make today the perfect day to do some home improvements. Look around your house. What would you like to change? What would make it feel more like you. Think of what you love and Make it your own. A fresh coat of paint can do wonders, not jut for the room, but for your spirit. shop for a plant or two to green up your home. The extra oxygen can help energize you. Get creative. Have fun!
14. See a Psychic or Get a tarot reading
Think you might want to reconnect to your loved one? Spend today seeing a psychic or a medium. Not sure what comes next in life? If you’ve got questions, they may have the answers you’re looking for. It can't hurt to find out with might be in store for you in the future. You might be surprised what you'll learn not only about the future, but about yourself in the process. This can be a fun, entertaining, and certainly memorable way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
15. Head to your local bookstore
Digital reads are great, but I prefer a hardcover over anything else. A bookstore is my happy place. There's something so soothing and calming about browsing the aisles of your favorite bookstore, searching for just the right read. Or looking just for the sake of looking, intending to buy another day.
16. Use this time for personal growth
I’m always trying to emphasize how important it is to set some time aside for yourself to face your struggles head on and work them with intention.
In essence, work on your grief.
Are you struggling with loneliness? If so, I encourage you to grab a copy of the latest workbook in the Widow 180 Workbook series, the Overcoming Loneliness Workbook. This workbook is 45 pages. You can download it immediately and start working on it today. It’s full of exercises, prompts, and helpful advice to help put an end to suffering from loneliness. You are in control of your own healing. And there’s something you can do about it. Get the workbook at www.widow180.com/loneliness.
17. Manifest your future
take some time to truly envision yourself living the life you want. Do some thinking, some self-reflection, some soul-searching for this one. And ask yourself, “What do I really want? What’s next for me?”
Break this into categories to help you narrow in and get clarity. Think about your career, your home, your finances, your friends. This is a great day to sit down and plot out what you'd like your future to look like. Picture yourself in this new life. Really feel yourself being present in it. Then strategize ways to make it happen. Create a vision board with photos, cutouts from magazines, and text. Now write down your goals so you can manifest the ideal outcome over time. Make this a day for dreaming big dreams.
18. Make a playlist
Let music be your companion this Valentine’s Day. Put together a playlist of your favorite tunes. Make themes for your playlists. You can have a playlist for every decade or label them however you want, like “Drink coffee music” or “journaling music” or “music to cook to”.
To hell with whispering sweet nothings in my ear! Give me some 90’s angry girl music to dance to. Thank you, Alanis Morissette. Thank you, Courtney Love. You’re the best.
19. Meet someone new
Feeling brave? Maybe today is the day you decide to sign up on some dating apps. If this is something you’ve been on the fence about, perhaps Valentine's Day presents a great opportunity for you to put yourself out there and meet someone new. Dating could be your next great adventure. Just remember, be open-minded and have a positive attitude about it. You never know where life can take you or what new love is waiting for you just around the corner!
20. Start a new tradition
This may be a wonderful opportunity to start something new for you, possibly involving the kids, too. Have a brainstorming session and decide together what you want to start doing on Valentine’s day. Maybe it involves a local charity or volunteer work that you can do together. Maybe it’s cooking a special meal together on this day, where you each have your part in the preparation. Establish a new Valentine's Day tradition to look forward to each and every year.
21. Planning future adventures or trips
A cool way to spend the day is by planning your next amazing vacay. Is the beach calling your name? Or are you a mountain lover?
Start doing some research on where to go, where to stay, what to do there, and how much it will cost. Start dreaming of your next big getaway and maybe even book something today.
In Widow 180; The Podcast episode 211 I talk all about the power of positive anticipation and how important it is to have something to look forward to. There’s been so much research around this and the positive effects it has on your spirit and well-being. Break out the map and get some planning done today!
22. Listen to helpful podcasts and leave nice comments!
Of course I need to mention the importance of listening to podcasts! And of course I want to remind everyone to listen to Widow 180: The Podcast! I aim to offer some pretty positive content every week. There are so many shows out there that you can listen to and get lost in. Try to avoid anything dark and gloomy that will bring you down. Aim to listen to the uplifting, positive, inspirational stories that bring you hope. And then leave a nice comment!
23. Read inspiring blog posts and leave nice comments!
This is along the same lines of listening to podcasts. Catch up on your favorite blogs. Read inspiring stories. Read articles about growth and positivity to put you in a good state of mind. Then leave a nice comment for the author. Pay the positivity forward and make their day!
24. Get a tattoo
Spend this day of love honoring and memorializing your loved one by getting a tattoo. Pick something meaningful, special to you both, or just for you. Having this permanent reminder of the love you shared will always be there as a reminder that the love that you had for each other never goes away. That love is forever. Looking for ideas? Check out these beautiful designs: @michatattoos
25. Do what you normally do
What does a typical Tuesday look like for you? Do that. one of the best ways to deal with being alone on Valentine's Day is to go about your everyday routine:
Clean the house
Go grocery shopping
Exercise
Walk your dog
Cook dinner
Get some work done
Do whatever you would normally do that day of the week; this will help to make it seem like any other day of the year.
I hope you found these suggestions to be helpful. I hope you feel inspired to take some action this Valentine’s Day, get out of depressing funk, and get out in the world and have some fun.
Remember this: What gives Valentine's Day meaning is unique to each and every one of us.
You are in control of your life and what you want to do and what makes you feel comfortable on this day. Decide in advance how you feel about celebrating Valentine's Day, then make your plans accordingly. Are embracing Cupid, or kicking him out the door? It’s up to you!
Also, just a reminder that if you would like more help with loneliness and how to stop feeling lonely, get your copy of the Overcoming Loneliness Workbook today.
Click here to get more info on the workbook: https://widow180.kit.com/products/loneliness
The Overcoming Loneliness Workbook is a 45 page digital workbook, now available to download for only $7.
As you work through the Overcoming Loneliness Workbook, you will learn:
· The Common Mistakes to dealing with loneliness
· How to reframe your thoughts on solitude
· Triggers of loneliness and how to deal with them
· How to feel more empowered
· The deeper meaning of loneliness while grieving
· Specific ways you can overcome loneliness
You will walk away with action steps and prompts to cope with loneliness and start living life with a confident and capable attitude!
