Be Happier in 2024 - Focus On These 3 Things!
When we step into a new year, we want to look forward with optimism, with the hope that next year will be better, brighter, happier, than the prior one. We want something to look forward to and to focus on.
How can we make next year better?
How can I feel better in the coming year?
Sometimes, we don’t know where to start with those big, general questions.
So today, I want to present to you 3 things that you can focus on to make your life better in this next year. These can serve as reminders to you, to show you that you can take control of your future. You do have control over creating a life path that you desire, that will bring you joy. So let these three things become a priority for you in this next year, and they may just change your life.
*Related article: https://www.widow180.com/resources/betterquestions
Prioritize Your Own Health and Well-being
The first thing to focus on is your health. I know, I know. This is not mindblowing news to you. You’ve maybe heard this a million times before. But let’s talk about this a little bit. Prioritizing your well-being is a crucial step toward healing. I know this one may sound pretty basic and something we should already know we should be doing. But sometimes we do need a reminder, we need a little nudge to tell us to make our own health a priority.
Maybe you’ve gotten a little off track with your own health since losing your spouse and I just want to say, that’s ok. It really is. It happens.
You lose your spouse and then we lose track of time, you lose yourself as a priority. 3 months go by and you don’t even realize it, and then you think, “God, when is the last time I went to the dentist?”. This is the basic stuff that gets thrown off track. This is a reminder to take care of yourself. When you’re thrown into widowhood, you can expect things to be off. Like sleep and appetite. You’re lethargic, you have insomnia, you may feel nauseous when you think about eating. Those are all normal grief reactions, by the way, so there’s nothing wrong with you.
Maybe you need to focus on moving your body more, going for more walks, stretching, doing yoga, releasing some of the pain through moving your body more. You don’t need to focus on exercise as a means of getting buff or getting a rock solid body, NO! The focus is to use exercise as a means of helping you grieve. It can become a part of your grief recovery and how you process your loss.
Changing your thoughts on exercise makes it easier to get out there and actually do it!
No, you’re not exercising to get a ripped 6 pack. You’re exercising to work out the grief and release some of the pain of your loss. That’s your “why”. This can take your life down a completely different path. When you’re staring at that fork in the road and you have 2 choices, ask yourself “do I sit here on the couch, feeling miserable or do I get myself outside for 30 minutes and go for a walk?”
When we look at our overall picture of health, and we think about the word health, it’s not just meaning physical health. We can change our health in terms of mental and emotional well-being as well. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to unpack those big emotions because remember, these are probably emotions, a level of emotions that you’ve never experienced before. It’s hard to know what to do with that.
We can’t be expected to know what to do with all of those emotions!
Talking things out with a professional can give you clarity, can give you peace of mind to help you know that you’re normal. It can help you be a better person by being able to develop coping mechanisms. It can help you be a better version of yourself, a better parent.
Asking for and Accepting Help
The second thing to focus on this year is help. And that can take many many forms. I know when I think back to my first weeks and months of widowhood, one word kept coming back into my mind all the time and that was “simplify”. I wanted to simplify everything. I didn’t just want to, I needed to simplify things for my own sanity. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I’ve always prided myself on being independent, on being self-sufficient. I felt like I was always able to handle whatever life threw at me, you know juggling career and running the household and childcare. But then my husband died, out of the blue, out of nowhere.
Life threw me a curveball that I could not handle. I needed help.
For me, that was getting help with my daughter. I just needed time to take care of the business stuff that needed my attention. I had my parents helping, my brother would come over just so I could make phone calls. I had to get her back in her little daycare center part-time so that I could go to meetings at the bank and attorney office and the insurance company and social security office.
I also needed help with keeping up with my house. My neighbor came over and cut my grass several times, which I was so thankful for.
I needed help understanding the papers I was signing. I needed someone to walk me through the whole process, the legal aspects of what happens when someone dies. I would look at a paper at the attorney’s office and the words looked like jibbersih to me. I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading. Widow brain was happening. My brother in law and my dad stepped in to be my advocates and hold my hand during those stressful first few weeks.
Then there were the other issues in the house that kept coming up. The internet went down. The printer stopped working. Ugh, the tech. I had to get help from one of my good friends. He would come over whenever I needed tech assistance.
One thing I learned about losing a spouse is that you realize how much they did around the house, how much they helped with house stuff. Independence is a strength and you should be proud of yourself for all the things you’re doing, but you can’t do it all. Especially during times of distress.
True strength lies in your ability to be vulnerable.
You might feel hesitant to burden others or feel guilty for needing help, but remember, accepting help, asking for help is not a sign of weakness. You may feel guilt creep in, and when you do, just remind yourself that this is temporary. You are not weak. You are an independent, capable person, you’re just adjusting and trying to get your footing.
In the meantime, get the help you need. If people are offering to help, accept it! Don’t turn it down. Always remember this, people want to help you, they just don’t know what to offer and they don’t know what you need. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Become a master of delegation. The more you delegate, the simpler your life becomes, the less stress you will feel.
Ask yourself, “What could I use help with? What stresses me out that I can delegate, even if just for a temporary amount of time?” Tell yourself, “This isn’t forever. I just need this help right now.” That helps with any guilt that creeps in.
Maybe you need to hire a housekeeper. Maybe you need to ask the neighbor’s son to cut your grass for the next few months. Maybe you need to have your kids in after-care after school 2 days a week just so you can run errands. Maybe you need to take off work early twice a month so you can make time to see your therapist.
Ask yourself “how can I simplify my life?” and see what pops into your head first. What’s the first thing you thought of? Jot it down on paper or in a journal and make it a priority to seek help.
*Related article: https://www.widow180.com/resources/ask
Finding Hope in the Journey of Healing
The third thing to focus on this year is hope.
My favorite definition of hope is this…
Hope is believing with confidence that good things will happen in the future.
If we believe in something with confidence and conviction, it doesn’t feel so unattainable. It doesn’t feel so distant and far away, like you can never reach it.
Hope is also defined as a feeling of desire and expectation that things will go well.
It is an optimistic state of mind that is based on a confident expectation of positive outcomes.
Hope is confidence in the possibility of fulfilling your desires.
I know many of you are struggling with hope. Maybe you just lost your spouse recently and you’re in the throes of grief. You want to look forward to a new year, with new dreams and lots of potential, but at the same time, the past may be pulling you back. You are well aware of the upheaval in your life and still trying to figure out your place in the world and what it all means.
And I also want to ask you and encourage you, no matter what you’re feeling, no matter the high or low you’re in right now, to move forward with hope.
Because what’s the alternative? Hopeless is not a good place to be. I’ve been there. If you don’t have hope any more, you’re giving up. You’re letting your situation and your circumstances dictate your future.
There’s a quote that I love that says “Allow hope to be a force greater than your grief.”
I happen to believe that this belief, this conviction in your heart, can take you so much further than you thought you could go. You just have to believe that you can get there.
Here’s why having hope can completely change our lives:
Hope builds anticipation. Anticipation means excitement and looking forward to something. It’s the always having something to look forward to that keeps you motivated and keeps you moving forward when grief tries to keep you back.
Hope encourages us to change our perspective. It helps us shift the negative mindset to a positive one. It means that you are open to receiving all of the magic that the universe has to offer!
Hope encourages us to live with boldness and confidence. With the conviction that the future is bright and that it CAN be bright again for us.
Hope encourages us to take action. To take the steps we need to take to see that our dreams come true! We take that responsibility to move our lives forward, when we remember our hopes and dreams and make them a priority.
In that same respect, hope encourages us to live with intention. We make choices every day to create the life we desire. When we live with hope in our hearts, we are choosing to move towards positivity and the life we truly want to live.
Let’s start making hope a priority.
