Dating Again After Loss - What To Think About Before You Get Back Out There!
Do you think you might want to start dating again?
Not quite sure you’re ready to dive into it?
I know. I know.
There are so many questions and so many emotions to deal with when it comes to dating again after losing a spouse.
Maybe you haven’t dated in 20 years!
Maybe your husband was the first person and only person you ever dated!
It’s a different world now. You’ve grown. You’ve changed. Dating has changed.
Here are some things to consider:
1. Start with your WHY!
Before we get any further into the topic, let’s start with the reason WHY you want to date in the first place. Why do you want to start dating? What is the deep down feeling inside of you that is driving you to want to date? I want you to think about it. I mean, REALLY think about it. And, more importantly, be honest with yourself. Do you want to just find a companion for events? Do you just want physical intimacy with someone and no strings attached? Do you want to get into a serious relationship, but aren’t open to marrying again? Are you looking for something really serious and want to get married again? Are you thinking your kids really need a father figure in their lives, so you need someone to fill that role?
Having a clear answer to your WHY will give you a good starting point.
It can also take the pressure off if you’re feeling stressed and nervous about the whole idea of it.
Which, let’s face it, that’s completely normal to feel that way!
2. What are your priorities in your life right now?
Do you have young children still at home? Are you working full time? Do you have available childcare help?
You need to consider the time and energy involved in dating and realize that now might not be the best time for it.
I know all of the logistics sound like a bummer, but dating takes effort!
If your son just signed up for the soccer team, know that every single Saturday for the next 3 months you will be at those games.
As a solo mom, your plate is full! You have the kids, a job, the house, hopefully a little “me-time” in there, the juggling of all of it.
Dating at this stage in life requires time flexibility and lots of understanding and patience.
3. Are you wondering “How in the world am I going to meet a nice guy?”
You have options!
If and when you’re ready, let your friends and family know you’d like to start dating again! Ask them if they have any single friends. Or friends with friends. Or single cousins. You get the picture! Just get the word out there and you may be surprised how many dates you get!
Be brave. Be bold. Put yourself out in the world. Go to restaurants. Join an athletic club. Be out there and available. Be approachable.
So, I know this can prove to be challenging right now due to the COVID pandemic. But, hopefully, life gets back to normal soon and we can start being social beings again.
In my interview on Widow 180: The Podcast (Episode 30), guest Ashley Neumann says “I just feel like meeting someone organically as opposed to through a dating app is better.”
In that same interview, guest Jamie Hattier says “I’ve just gotten into dating apps in the last 18 months or so. I prefer Bumble and Hinge. I wouldn’t recommend the Facebook dating app. I didn’t like that one. Bumble works for me because you have all the control. It’s the female who makes the initial contact. Hinge seems to have more professionals on it. That’s a good one.”
What about online dating?
In Episode 6 of Widow 180: The Podcast, guest Michelle Hensley talks about her experience using Match.com. She recommends Match.com for two reasons:
1. It’s a reasonable cost. Some of the other sites are expensive.
2. They’ve done a really good job updating and organizing their site.
Michelle was a little reluctant to try online dating, but shortly after signing up she met a wonderful man. He proposed eight months later!
Are you still on the fence about this whole dating thing?
I get it!
It’s scary to put yourself out there and be vulnerable again.
If you’re still questioning whether you’re ready to date, you can take our quiz to find out! Answer these few questions to see if now is the right time for you!
Go to https://widow180.ck.page/datingquiz Need some extra dating help?
We have the #1 Dating Course For Widows And Widowers Looking To Find Love Again After Loss?
This is a truly unique, self-paced online course to help you with the ins and outs of modern dating! I encourage you to take a look! Click here for details:
https://www.widow180.com/courses
Click below to listen to the podcast!
Join in on the dating discussions on our Facebook group Widow 180 Community with Jen Zwinck!
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